feels good to be a punk loser

so i'm not planning on getting out because of the deployments. i spent 2 years bugging hrc to get me deployed. it's not even that the bullshit outweighs the benefits. it's the 'no future' thing. partly, it's because i believe in the peter principle, whereby in a large organization people are promoted to their level of incompetence. it doesn't help that i've been working outside my branch for the past several years. it also doesn't help that without some divine (i.e.: O-6) intervention, i'll be leaving my old unit when i finally get back. and that means i'll likely end up twiddling my thumbs for a while, wishing i was still operational while avoiding anything that would require more commitment than i can afford, which at this point, is none. i'm stuck in a netherworld between ranks where i'm not ready for the big boy jobs but too senior for the job i never got to have. and therein is the other reason why i'm leaving. i hate being managed according to a career timeline and to the code beside my name. i really wish i would've had more time as a junior guy. there's a lot to learn in the army, especially when you're in a technical field. it's nearly impossible to get the breadth of experience you really need to be an exceptional leader when you're lucky if you spend more than a few months in your job.

there should be the freedom to choose to spend more time learning the trade we're in. that means not only operational assignments, but broader ones as well. why should i have to choose between doing what i love, and already know i love, and something like af-pak hands, which is an exceptional idea (which acknowledges that we'll be here a LONG time, which is probably accurate), albeit not being very well executed, mostly because it's tough to get people to take that big step into the dark. there are plenty of people who wouldn't do it because it would hurt their career. what if it didn't end it, or change it, but instead was more of a scenic route, as it were.

it's getting late, and i can't quite wrap my thoughts on promotion and the increasing top-heaviness of the military.

what i can dish about, and why i ended up talking about all this crap, is that i think there's a related peter principle in effect in the military, and it relates to dorkiness. i'm used to taking shit for my appearance. i don't mind, especially when we're in a b.s. session. one the things i always loved about aviation was how much we make fun of each other. constantly.

but i can't help but notice is that the higher i look up the food chain, the fewer and fewer 'normal people' i see. now, i'm not normal. not by a long shot. there's a reason why this post has that title. shit, there's a reason i'm blogging past midnight when i could be looking at porn. there's nothing obviously abnormal about them, usually. they look kinda normal. they have normal interests and normal families.

but jesus, why does it seem like they all dress like they buy all their clothes from lands' end's clearance department? why do they all have haircuts that haven't been stylish since they were 7? it's like their cultural grounding cable came loose when they joined the military and over time they build up a static charge of dweebiness. and it gets really annoying getting zapped with it everytime they snicker about my crazy hair or my high socks any of the little things that makes me, ME. if you can't relate to someone in your own organization, who holds the same values as you just because i carry myself a little differently, then how are you going to be able to wrap your head around a different culture and be able to convince them of anything other than that you're just another faceless uniform?

this war is not 'hearts and minds.' we're not going to win unless we aggressively hunt down and kill the poison that is infecting this country. but this war isn't just about fighting. it's going to take a long time, and we're going to have to build a relationship with these people if we're going to avoid wearing out our welcome before the country is able to stand on it's own, let alone keep them from turning against us. we're going to have to convince the paks that it's in their interest to leave afghanistan alone, which is going to take a LOT of convincing. it's not money that's going to do it; the military will play a significant role in it. a lot of it will be out of our hands, to be sure. i wouldn't bet on us, if i were a gambling man.

we'd stand a better chance if we let our junior guys spend some more time learning both their trade and gaining new knowledge outside their field, cutting away the layers of bureaucracy and the attendant senior officers, non-comms, dod civilians and contractors that are soaking up time, money, and would be a lot less valuable if we slowed down a bit and let everyone become truly competent before moving them up the ladder. that, and some goddamned fashion sense. seriously.

no youtube anytime soon.

listening to.....

nailbomb
point blank

postscript: i think the coolest field grade i ever met was a lesbian lieutenant colonel. not that she had any sense of style (more like the clearance section of ll bean's mens' department). but she seemed capable of straddling two completely different worlds and managing to behave like a totally... normal person.