floods

it's somewhat odd, being so close to so many people in need, and it hardly affects me at all. i haven't the slightest idea what i could do. and my friends are getting themselves ready to fly halfway around the world to help. it's like fate is determined to crush my idealism. why have i spent the past 10 years of my life doing this? i haven't done a fucking thing worth telling my children about one day.

things around here are still churning along at the normal pace. even the slight changes that have happened hardly affect me at all. we have a cool mission, but while what i do is necessary for the proper functioning of the unit, i'm hardly part of the operations.

i've been talking to a few people lately that i haven't talked to in years. i don't really have much of an answer for what i've been up to all this time. it's weird. 5 years of my life have slipped by and i've barely noticed. i haven't really traveled. i haven't deployed. i haven't gone on any adventures, save a few this year.

i have no idea what's next. all i know is that i have 3 more years. 3 years. 1 year of this infuriatingly bureaucratic job. 2 more years of who knows what. i'm not even going to try to plan this one out. it's never worked out before, why would it now?

at least i have an awesome dog. and that's all i need.

listening to.... pantera - floods

maybe my dad was right about this kinda music.... or maybe i should pick another day than sunday night to post.